My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
