One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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