Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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