Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
