we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
