I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
