I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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