I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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