Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
