Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
