well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
