but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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