HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
