Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
