god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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