I feel great
I just peed on a car
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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