well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
