Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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