party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
