I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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