I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
