I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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