I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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