Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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