I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
