I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
