So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
