now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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