I puked a lego.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
