I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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