Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize