I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
