Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
