He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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