She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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