you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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