dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
