where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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