So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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