i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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