You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
