The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
