I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
