you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
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My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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