just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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