we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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