No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
