I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
