when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
