Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
