I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
