So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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