they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
