the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
