he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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