So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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