I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
