I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
