I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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