You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
