I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
