I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
