I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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