Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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