I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
