this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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