you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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