Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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