After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
