Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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