who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
