I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
