My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
