I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
