i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
