this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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