If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
