so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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