I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
