and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
