Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
