so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
