Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
