So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
