he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
me + whiskey = a bad person
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
