I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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